‘Does it turn you on?’

Well, no. You would have thought it might, after all when I watch a video on ‘Tasty’ I suddenly feel as if I haven’t eaten for months.

This turns me on about as much as watching a documentary on serial killers makes me want to kill my own family. It’s never going to happen.

I need the kissing, the touching, the heat of the moment. Someone’s hands, feeling someone’s breath, I need someone there to be really turned on. Yeah, porn makes me horny but I don’t feel really turned on until someone is with me.

This is as much of a turn on as writing an essay, a CV or a shopping list.

These guys, they’re really all the same. They’re looking someone to describe every fantasy they’ve ever had and it’s fairly obvious that most of their fantasies are straight out of a porn movie, one of those with blonde girls covered in oil and produced within an inch of its shaven, massively breasted life.

Real life, real sex isn’t normally like that, even the stars of these porn movies probably don’t have sex like they do when they’re being paid for it.

I’m sure that these men have had sex before (at least most of them) so why do they still talk about sex like it’s a porn movie? If this was real life, well, I wouldn’t get into bed with any of them.

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