Born to hippy parents and with friends and acquaintances of every persuasion, I thought I had a pretty open mind. Until the day a man wrote telling me he wanted to wipe my bum as part of his sexual gratification.
Too shocked to reply to him and knowing that the person he was speaking to was made up anyway I logged off and made a cup of tea, but not before I took a screen shot and sent it to one of the few who know I do this.
I’m a grown up, someone who has just bought a new fridge freezer and got excited by it. I’m not a 17 year old who thinks they know everything. I have experience, sexually I have tried things that I have liked unexpectedly and tried things that I thought I wanted but didn’t. You won’t know you don’t like something until you’ve tried it right?
I’ve thought about what I would do if a lover suggested this. Do the polite English thing and pretend I didn’t hear? Tell them in no uncertain terms that they are disgusting and never speak to them again? Or, just try it, I might like it. Except I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t, my sexual low point came when I was pissed on. I didn’t consent to it and I am pretty sure I smelt of old lady for weeks despite shower after shower.
The thing is, I can log off when I don’t feel comfortable with something. Every single person should be respected when they say no and you are entirely within your rights to refuse consent if you are uncomfortable in a situation. I went along with it because I was frightened to speak out and I have regretted the decision to keep quiet ever since. You don’t need to live with that.